Beer, Sex, Beer, Pooping, Beer's Journal|
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Beer, Sex, Beer, Pooping, Beer's LiveJournal:
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|Saturday, March 19th, 2011|
You ever notice how, after you drink a lot, you lose a bunch of weight and get really handsome and sexy?
|Tuesday, March 30th, 2010|
I was just picking my nose and got a hold of a longish nose hair, so I tried to yank it. No go, but ouch! Picked a little more and got a hold of the nose hair again and hung on like a champ and proceeded to pull with a vengeance. God DAMN! I pulled out a nice clump of nose hairs and now half of my nose feels this throbbing painful/numbness. I keep waiting for blood to gush out but it seems all good. What a fucking score! Yeehaw!
I heard, a long time ago, that in some Middle Eastern countries nose hair is sometimes burned out by a very skilled person who kind of blows a flame up your nose real quick. Seems like it would work. I have yet to attempt it though, as I am not a very skilled person.
|Thursday, November 6th, 2008|
My balls! Zee Vicodin, zey do nothing!
Or was that the goggles
? Anyway, it feels like I'm being alternatingly kicked in the sack, then someone is pulling on my nuts.
On the plus side, in just 18-24 ejaculations, I can be certified sterile.
|Saturday, May 10th, 2008|
In the air tonight
I would just like to point out that all my meals today have involved either refried beans or White Castles.
You'd know what I mean if you were here on my couch. Or were actually my couch.
|Friday, December 28th, 2007|
I just wanted to remind you men of an excellent site I peruse daily: Kindgirls
Also, a new find for me: If you gotta spank it and are short on new porn and your torrents are taking too long to download, you can always visit Spankwire
, streaming porn, YouTube style.
|Thursday, October 25th, 2007|
|Friday, October 19th, 2007|
I think one of the things from Tremors
just came out of my butt.
|Thursday, October 18th, 2007|
God damn, what a fücking reek...
Ever notice how the last 50 feet of a desperate bathroom run are always the hardest?
That "minimum safe distance" is substantially reduced when one is taking a diuretic for high blood pressure, as I found out painfully last Sunday, arriving home after a long commute in weekend beach traffic.
The problem is, I threw the resulting piss-soaked jeans onto the laundry pile and promptly forgot about them. Until this afternoon, that is, when I walked into my bedroom and was practically smacked in the face by the ammonia stink. The worst was digging through a week's worth of dirty laundry trying to find the offending item.
Thankfully, it's too cold for flies. Current Mood: annoyed
|Tuesday, July 10th, 2007|
Just a warning: six turkey dogs and three beers in honor of the Home Run Derby ends up smelling like you actually set six turkeys on fire in an enclosed room. Lordy.
|Monday, July 2nd, 2007|
I'm watching "DodgeBall" with the captions on. Patches O'Houlihan just said he loves 'the smell of queef in the morning.' Is that the correct spelling? I always assumed the term to be of French derivation, and so spelled more like quiffe, or something like that.
|Sunday, May 20th, 2007|
After I've spent an hour cleaning the bathroom, that's when I have to take what I suspect will be the world's nastiest shit.
(note to self: bring matches and candle along with this month's SciAm...) Current Mood: annoyed
|Sunday, February 11th, 2007|
Few sensations in this world are as satifying as heartily scratching your balls after smoking a bowl of fine weed.
Damn few... Current Mood: satisfied
|Sunday, November 5th, 2006|
Am still coughing up flem something rotten. Its great. Especially when I cough up a really hard piece thats been drying in my throat for a while. I know that its a symptom of something and I should break my 10 year hiatus and go see a doctor, but throat snot on demand is so fun.
Also, I'm allergic to my shampoo and am sneezing like mad. Its great. Each sneeze is like a mini orgasm.
|Saturday, September 9th, 2006|
Hope I'm not dying
I've been coughing up phlem something rotten lately. Shouldn't complain, its more fun to play with the snot and leaves a better smell on your fingers, I'm just wondering if its a symptom of something serious.
|Friday, August 25th, 2006|
Pro and con
I've worn no underwear today.
Pro: Yay commando!
Con: I'm going to have to wash these jeans twice. Current Mood: cheerful
|Friday, August 18th, 2006|
You know your gas is bad when the ancient cat who was previously crashed out on your lap gives you a dirty look and stalks away.
Sorry, did I say "bad"? I meant "good".
(ps to Knack: consider it payback for all the times you farted on me when you were a kitten.)
|Wednesday, August 16th, 2006|
|Thursday, August 10th, 2006|
I just finished eating 3 plain slices of american cheese, and washed it down with a glass of lemonade.
|Monday, June 12th, 2006|
If there's any feeling in the world more relieving and satisfying than taking a giant dump after a gluttonous weekend of barbecue, I can't imagine what it might be. Current Mood: about 5# lighter, thanks
|Sunday, June 11th, 2006|
What is it with guys lately?
This past week, I have had to:
1. Tell 2 guys to zip up their flies
2. Tell 2 guys (including my own partner) to stop picking their noses
one guy to go to the bathroom before he pissed himselfGrow the fuck up, guys! I am not your mother.
Jesus Fücking Christ.